Friday, February 16, 2018

Who Said It: Mitt Or Groucho?

Mitt Romney has announced that he is running for the U.S. Senate in the State of Utah (it must be nice having residences in multiple states).  It is a sign of how degraded our politics have become that he is now considered by some to be an honest broker and paragon of American values -- and compared to the current occupant of the White House, I suppose he is.  But only by comparison.  We should not forget the mendacity of this loser of both the popular vote and the electoral college in the 2012 presidential election.  (See, e.g., Mitt Romney and the Odor of Mendacity)  In the piece below, originally posted on May 18, 2012, I attempted to make this point with more humor and less rancor.

Mitt Romney is sounding more and more like Groucho Marx all the time -- except he's not trying to be funny.  Take the quiz below, and identify the quote as coming from Mitt or Groucho.  (And here's wishing Mitt would sound more like Harpo.)

(a) "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them, well, I have others."
(b) "I’m not familiar precisely with what I said, but I’ll stand by what I said, whatever it was.”
(c) "People ask me, 'what would you do to get the economy going?’ and I say, 'well look at what the president's done and do the opposite.’"
(d) " I don't know what they have to say, it makes no difference anyway, whatever it is, I'm against it."
(e)  "The president should have built a credible threat of military action and made it very clear that the United States of America is willing, in the final analysis, if necessary, to take military action to keep Iran from having a nuclear weapon."
(f)  "It's too late [to prevent war]. I've already paid a month's rent on the battlefield."
(g) "I'm not a big-game hunter. I've made that very clear. I've always been a rodent and rabbit hunter. Small varmints, if you will."
(h) "I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know."
(i) "I believe marriage should be preserved as an institution for one man and one woman."
(j) "Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
(k) "Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy."
(l) "My wife drives a couple of Cadillacs."
(m) "My dog likes fresh air."
(n) "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
(o) "I worked my way up from nothing to extreme poverty."
(p) "I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed."
(q) "I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that's the America millions of Americans believe in. That's the America I love."
(r) "Members of the faculty, faculty members, students of Huxley and Huxley students.  Well I guess that covers everything."
(s) "America cannot continue to lead the family of nations around the world if we suffer the collapse of the family here at home."
(t) "Behind every successful man is a woman and behind her is his wife."
(u) "If you think this country's bad off now, just wait till I get through with it."

Answers: (a) Groucho; (b) Mitt; (c) Mitt; (d) Groucho; (e) Mitt; (f) Groucho; (g) Mitt; (h) Groucho; (i) Mitt; (j) Groucho; (k) Groucho; (l) Mitt; (m) Mitt; (n) Groucho; (o) Groucho; (p) Mitt; (q) Mitt; (r) Groucho; (s) Mitt; (t) Groucho; (u) Mitt Groucho

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3 comments :

Scotty G said...

brilliant.. absolutely brilliant. You have outdone yourself.

lonbud said...

I could tell wich ones were Groucho because they were actually humorous. Mitt's, not so much.

WIIIAI said...

I think of Mitt more as a Margaret Rittenhouse type.

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